There are times in my practice as a relationship coach for New York Socials when I have to advise couples to do something they hate to hear: break up. To be clear: my practice does not deal with married couples or those in common-law marriage. Most of my couples have been in a relationship between a few weeks to a few months, some as long as a year. A year, however, is a quite a substantial period of time to be in a monogamous partnership. It is enough time to fall in and out of love, whether or not people realize it. This is where the problem comes in.
Very often one or both partners cannot come to grips with the reality that the feeling of love and intimacy that has once existed in the relationship is no longer there. We are all creatures of habit. We get used to situations just as easily as we get used to places and people. It is more excruciatingly difficult to break old habits once they become part of our everyday lives. There are times you may know in your gut that the relationship is over. However, change is scary and facing a breakup is something nobody welcomes.
So how can you tell if your relationship is over and it’s time to walk away? While providing NYC matchmaking services through my company, I’ve come to see the top three signs that point to a dying relationship and that it’s time to walk away.
YOU ARE NO LONGER HAVING SEX. We are, all of us, physical creatures, like it or not. While sex is not and should not be the ‘be all and end all’ in a relationship, it is a very important part of any couple’s bond as it invites intimacy. Once sex is gone, it is very difficult to pass off a platonic relationship as a love connection.
YOU ARE SPENDING LESS TIME TOGETHER. Business trips notwithstanding, if you find yourself more and more apart due to choice, your relationship is on the decline. If you prefer the company of friends to your partner’s, it is time to rethink your situation.
YOU CEASE COMMUNICATING WITH EACH OTHER. If you’d rather call your friend then a partner to discuss a problem at work or a great book you just read, you are losing out on one of the most important parts of a relationship. Once the communication is dead, it is very difficult to resuscitate.
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